Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
