im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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