how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
