I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
then he tried to convert me to islam
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
