I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
