butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
she was so not down for the gang bang
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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