I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
