I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i now understand why vodka
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
