she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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