every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
