Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
