first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
