And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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