When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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