Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Randomize
