when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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