Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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