Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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