Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He has the fingertips of a God
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