i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
