I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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