she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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