her vagina looked like bernie madoff
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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