I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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