I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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