we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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