Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm both gender and math confused
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
