I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
