K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Sponge bath it is.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
