Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
