Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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