just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
