I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
