I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
