I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you didnt know i had herpes?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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