Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
