My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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