Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
