I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
