hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
