There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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