dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
