I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
