it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
