I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
