Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
