New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
