Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Too much gin, very little bucket
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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