my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
