I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
