So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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